Lord of the Flies

Hello, I am this week's guest editor. I am a Petite Basset Griffon Vandeen or "PBGV." My name is Petey, but I also go by Petey No!, or Petey I Said No!

I have a good life with my human family, they take me for walks and give me treats. I live in a nice house that is beautifully appointed with many things for me to explore. All in all, I have it pretty good.

My only complaint is about the flies. Yes, I said flies. Somehow, my human family's home is infested with flies. The funny thing is the flies only appear when I am completing my household chores. Do you know about household chores? I have 2 main chores: emptying the clothes dryer and turning over waste baskets.

I am an expert at emptying the dryer: I like to stick my head in the dryer, grab the laundry in my mouth, and run through the house. Sometimes, my human family runs along side of me, yelling my name "Petey No!," while we complete the transfer of clothes from dog to human. And then the flies appear, I know this because usually the older human family member grabs a fly swatter and shakes it at me! The humanity!

Haven't these people ever heard of bug spray? But like I said, it is a good life. I try my best to keep up with my chores regardless of those pesky flies.

This brings me to my next observation: bath time, a weekly ritual at our house. It is the most cruel of all human rituals - soak, lather, repeat. I try to be a good dog during bath time, assuming that the point of it is to remove the flies that my human family hates so much.

As soon as the bath is over, I escape to run through the house stopping only to wiggle my backside on the carpet. Ahh, the smell of wet carpet and dog ... smells like ... victory. My human family really likes this part of the process and they usually run with me through the house carrying a towel and yelling my name, "Petey I Said No!"

I love my human family and I will keep up with my household chores remembering that after all, they are human. Let's hope they can figure out how to get rid of the fly problem and then maybe, just maybe, we can cease with all this bath nonsense.